Thoughts of a Random Nature

Happy Tuesday!

Being naturally reserved and an introvert, one of my biggest challenges has been making friends. When I was a kid, activities where we had to partner up with someone were the bane of my existence. I’d always be one of the stragglers. You know, one of the kids left awkwardly standing around while everyone else is looking on with a mix of pity and smugness. Then the teacher makes you form a partnership, and the awkwardness is compounded by the fact that you’ve probably never spoken to each other before. I’ll digress before I really start reliving my elementary school days.

Anyhow, as I grew older I became a little more outgoing and found myself making more friends. In junior high my life revolved around my little group of friends. Passing notes in class, AOL Instant Messenger when we got home, and parties on the weekends. Silly us, we thought we’d stay the best of friends for the rest of our lives. Once in high school, we began growing apart when we met tons of new people and really started thinking about our futures.

Back then I thought of these people as my friends. And maybe they were. Sometimes, for no reason at all, there are those who just disappear from your life. Then there are relationships that last through high school, college, moving to different cities, marriage, babies, etc. Today I’m a lot more careful in using the term “friend”. We have to have a really strong relationship for me to consider a person a friend. That’s one of my gripes with Facebook, the way it refers to those on your list as “friends”. These may be folks you haven’t talked to in years or if you saw them in real life you’d be grasping at straws to have a conversation.

Social media, not just Facebook, lets you keep up with someone’s life without ever uttering a word to them. Instead of asking a person how they’re doing, just check on their profile or their Twitter feed. I’ve done it too so I’m not knocking it but it’s weird how we think of ourselves as a more connected society yet we probably have less interaction than ever before.

One of the things (among many ) that sucks about being an adult is that it’s so much harder to meet people and make friends. It’s work making time to socialize. Very different from school, where you’re surrounded by others your age and who you probably have something in common with.

How do you define friendship? Do you consider yourself to have many friends?

J

Happy Tuesday!

I follow Forbes on Twitter and yesterday they posted an article about ways millenials can avoid suffering from burnout. Being a millenial who suffered from academic exhaustion a few years ago, I feel I can relate. Anyway, some of the ways to avoid this trap include: knowing your threshold, prepare for melancholy moods, nurture the soul, determine your purpose, and possess self-awareness.

Millenial/Gen-Y burnout being of interest to me, I naturally decided to do some research. An interesting tidbit I read about it is that it can happen when you have a smorgasbord of opportunities in your face. And I can see this being very true. Now it’s acceptable to look for a job that inspires and provides purpose, as opposed to just paying the bills. We have chances to study abroad and travel the world, things that may not have been provided so easily to previous generations. But with so many options, there is a dark side. Can it be that we have so much in front of us that we get into everything aimlessly until exhaustion sets in and we collapse?

Looking at these tips, I think they can apply to areas of one’s life outside of academics/careers. For instance, in my case, trying to get healthy and lose weight. I’m finally seeing results but I have to admit it hasn’t been easy. When you’re working out hard, cutting out sweets and fast food, and still only losing a few ounces, it’s tempting to want to throw in the towel. Undergoing this process of getting in shape is just as much mental as it is physical, maybe even more so.

I’ve had to determine my threshold and then keep pushing when it’s been reached. I know there are going to be days when I get on the scale thinking I’ve lost two pounds and barely lost one. After the gym, I like to shower and relax with a cup of tea (usually peppermint) while I write or get on the internet. I have a purpose for totally changing my diet and becoming a gym rat: I want to be healthy and feel good about the way I look. And finally I’m aware of myself. I know what I’m capable of and what I’m not.

Burnout happens in relationships, at work, school, pursuing dreams and goals, and I’m sure several different areas. The gist of these burnout tips (in my opinion) is to just calm down and regroup. It’s not the end of the world if you get exhausted and need a break. I wish I would have known this three years ago when I left grad school, I could have saved myself a lot of grief. But then I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Have you ever suffered burnout? How did you recover?

J

Happy March!

I’m 25 years old, and I’ll be 26 in about six months (it’s truly crazy how fast a year goes by!). This puts me smack dab in the middle of my twenties and I must say, when I turned 20 five and a half years ago, I never thought these years would fly by as fast as they have. I can barely remember when it was illegal for me to have a drink. Even my college years, which only ended three years ago, are a little fuzzy. I don’t know if it was I was having so much fun ( I doubt that, for reasons I’ll explain later) or I was undergoing some external and internal changes.

At 20, I was a sophomore in college and still getting used to living semi-independently. While I was enjoying the college atmosphere and having a room all to myself, I was only half-heartedly interested in my academics. As I’ve mentioned before I was studying business, not because it truly held my interest but because I thought it would be the springboard to a good career. Even though I got more enjoyment out of my mandatory English class, I felt stuck in what I was doing. I had a vague idea about going to grad school or even law school but my heart wasn’t set on anything. I saw all my friends pursuing internships and mapping out their futures and I felt like a drifter. In other words, I wasn’t very happy. But I never shared it with anyone. I felt it was a rather trivial problem and I figured most people would just say, “Push through it. The four years will be over before you know it.”

My mental nonchalance extended to my physical appearance. Not that I completely let myself go, but in high school I’d always worn clothes from American Eagle and Aeropostale. Shortly after entering college I started shopping in thrift stores. The clothes were not only cheaper, but I found them to be more unique than anything I could find at the mall. I had shirts in all kinds of prints and even a watermelon colored sweatshirt (it even had black dots lol). Now I think my rather odd fashion sense during this time was a way for me to express myself, since I didn’t feel like I could do it through my studies.

So what am I like now? Well I’m doing this blog and hopefully on my way to becoming a writer. I don’t dress as eccentrically as I used to, even though I don’t regret anything I wore, despite knowing people used to make fun of me behind my back. It felt liberating to wear what I liked, no matter how “unique” it was. My focus now is on looking like a woman in her mid-twenties, and not like a college student (people still say I look like I’m 22!) so my clothes are a little more conservative now. I still like colorful and interesting shirts though.

Mentally, I’m much happier. I’m more secure in myself and what I want. I’m learning how to make my own choices and trust my judgment. I still kind of feel like I’m drifting but I’m not putting a timeline on my career or personal life. I’ve got the rest of my life to figure things out.

How do you think you’ve changed in the past five years?

J

With all of the hoopla and festivities in Indy (SB46!) this past week I’ve been preoccupied with hanging out downtown at the expense of blogging/writing. Now that all of the excitement is over, the celebrities have flown out, and trash is being picked up, I’m back to business.

A few days ago I was watching a new show on MTV, I Just Want My Pants Back. This show is about a guy who literally wants his pants back after he sleeps with a woman who steals them. Looking past this odd plot, the show features a group of post-college students who are very educated yet underemployed. This doesn’t seem to bother them because they are more interested in finding a career that ignites passion instead of sitting around working for “green bits of paper”.

When I saw this show, my first thought was that the characters were lame and acted kind of douchey. I consider myself intelligent and “environmental sustainability” (discussed on the show) is a topic even I would have a hard time introducing into conversation. My second thought was that I hope I don’t sound like them, whining about wanting a career that’s “fulfilling” and deluding myself into believing I can really make it as a writer (I’m sure I’m the only English major with that goal ). Then I realized there’s nothing wrong with wanting a job that you will actually like most of the time. Wanting a job where you can help someone or make an impact should be considered a good thing.

I’ve written about this before, because it’s a recurring theme in my life right now (and I’m sure some of you too). It’s a common struggle. Do I pursue what I want or what’s sensible? Is there any age where it’s just not feasible? I’ve gotten a sense that fancying yourself an actress or astronaut are fine when you’re a kid, but as you grow older people ask, “So what do you really want to do?” Why is there this notion that childhood dreams must remain just that?

I believe one good thing that came out of the Great Recession is that it sparked an entrepreneurial and creative spirit in several people. Suddenly lifelong dreams people had were no longer put on the back burner because of their job. So many great businesses have been created because there was nothing to lose.

Rapper J. Cole stated in a recent article that, “I never ever once considered going to get a real job with my degree. I felt like if I did that, I was defeating myself and throwing in the towel on my dream.” When I read this article I identified with this quote. I’m asked all the time when I’m going to “do” something with my English degree, as if I have to be sitting in a cubicle at a computer for 8 hours a day to do that (no offense to anyone who does). I use my degree whenever I speak, write, or read. Getting a “real job” doesn’t validate a degree. I’ve simply chosen to use the skills I honed for 4 years to pursue the dream I had when I was a 10-year-old girl sitting at our IBM computer churning out stories on my summer vacation.

Do you have any childhood dreams you refuse to give up on?

J

Lately I’ve been dealing with a dilemma. It’s been on my mind day and night and it all stems from the question I’ve been asked a lot recently: “When are you going to settle down and pick a career?” Now I know this is being broached because the questioners believe I’m intelligent and have potential. But this question still manages to irritate me.

Like many other millenials, I’ve discovered that I have a slight aversion to entering corporate America. No offense to anyone who prefers this path but I don’t believe it’s for me. I’m not business-minded at all and nothing about the culture or environment interests me. I want a job that uses creativity and where I feel as if I’m making some meaningful contribution. I know this is a bit idealistic and perhaps typical of people my age but I want to feel some kind of fulfillment from my work.

Ever since I can remember I have enjoyed working with words, whether writing stories, helping people tidy up documents, or word games. I believe it is through writing that I can best contribute to society. And that’s why I have decided I want to be a writer. Of course, this isn’t the easiest thing to explain to parents who may be starting to wonder exactly why they sent their daughter to college if she just wants to stare at a Word document on her laptop all day.

This decision may not be the easiest to explain to others, but at what point do you have to ignore what others, despite their best intentions, want for you? Although I’ve been on this career-searching odyssey for awhile I feel incredibly lucky to be a twentysomething right now. Because we can create our careers. Having a full-time job and a “side hustle” is very popular right now, and for a good reason. Who says you have to choose between a stable job and pursuing your passion? Why not try and have it all?

I’m starting to realize that I know exactly what I’m looking for. I just want to live and enjoy my life (who doesn’t?) but I don’t want it to be something I have to squeeze in for an hour or two every week. I want it to be everything.

I was so relieved to find out there are other twentysomethings dealing with this same issue, so I know I’m not crazy . I’d like to know, are there any of you who have faced the decision of whether or not to pursue your passion? How did those closest to you take it? Did you care?

J

Happy Monday!

It’s going on three years since I’ve left college and one of my biggest challenges since then has been developing a social life. In school it was easy. You’re living with people your age who often have similar interests. Being in the “real world” this is not the case. Sure there’s Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and several other ways of staying connected with old friends. But in many cases, including mine, classmates have moved away to other states. Not to mention everyone’s busier now and it’s hard squeezing in social time with work, family, and other commitments. And to be honest occasionally you want to meet new people. Not that I have anything against my old circle, but it’s always great to meet others.

So how do you do that? I’m not the most extroverted person in the world so this hasn’t been any easy process for me by any means. Over time though I’ve figured out a few ways to meet people and even do interesting and fulfilling things at the same time.

Here they are:

• Take a class. Last summer I took a writing class at the Writers Center of Indiana (great place for writers, if you’re in Indy you should check it out!) and met some great people that I probably would’ve never talked to otherwise.
• Volunteer. In addition to meeting others, you’ll feel great for contributing your time and efforts to a cause or interest you have.
• Get to know your coworkers. Some people have a personal policy against mixing business and pleasure but occasionally you have to throw caution to the wind. You never know, sometimes you may be working besides a potential friend.
• Join a club or group related to a hobby, interest, or cause. At least you know you’ll be around people where you at least have one thing in common.
• Reconnect with old friends. Drop a note simply saying hi through email or on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Okay this isn’t a way to connect with new  people but sometimes it’s fun getting in touch with people you haven’t talked to in years. And you may be surprised by how buddies have grown and changed.

There are so many ways to have an active social life. My list is only the tip of the iceberg. I’m curious, do you find it easy to make friends as an adult? What are some ways you’ve met people?

J

I was watching TV a couple nights ago and came across an episode of “Salute Your Shorts”. For those of you who don’t know this show used to be on Nickelodeon back in the early 1990s. Watching the show and looking at little things such as how the characters were dressed and their hairstyles took me back to that time. When I was a kid and everything seemed much simpler then and not just because I wasn’t concerned with issues such as paying bills and health insurance.

It was a time before the Internet became ubiquitous, before everyone had a cell phone, before there were these devices called iPods where you could store tens of thousands of songs. Every now and then, especially since graduating college, I find myself missing these days. Even hearing a song from the late ’80s or ’90s will send me into a nostalgic mode. I recently read an article on CNN describing this wave of nostalgia going around that’s hitting people in their mid to late 20s. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it’s just a strong fondness for days where there no worries. Where we got 3 months vacation every year. Where you got to spend Mon-Fri with your friends.

I think nostalgia is fun and very interesting because every generation has their idea of what those simple days used to be. I enjoy hearing my parents talk about the 1970s and my grandparents talk of times before that. With everything moving so fast today it’s nice to chill and reflect sometimes.

Do you ever get nostalgic? What are some memories from your childhood or teenage years?

J