Thoughts of a Random Nature

Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it. – Chinese proverb

Right now I’m facing the point where I’ve been writing as a hobby for a while (I do short stories, poetry, and essays in addition to this blog) and I’m getting the itch to start submitting my work to magazines and journals. But what’s the the big obstacle standing in my way? That nine letter word known as REJECTION!

I admit, I hate the idea of being rejected (who doesn’t?). I think people my age may have had a particularly hard time dealing with it for one big reason. When we were little kids, participating in sports and other types of competitions, everybody got an award. Just for being on the team. Even if you pretty much sucked. While coaches, parents, and teachers might have thought they were doing us a favor by not distinguishing those who were truly spectacular and actually deserved an award or trophy, they really weren’t. Because it tended to instill in us this idea that no matter how bad you are, you deserve a reward for just showing up and being on the team.  Flash forward ten or fifteen years. Many millenials struggle with the fact that they are required to prove themselves in order to get jobs or opportunities. No more just showing up and getting a pat on the back.

Growing up with this kind of philosophy may be part of my problem. But perfectionism is an issue for me as well. I don’t like doing something unless I know I can succeed. Unfortunately this has stopped me from pursuing many opportunities because I didn’t like the idea I may fail. With writing it’s always hard showing others my work because I’m afraid I’ll get laughed and told it’s horrible. But then I’ve realized sharing my work (or taking chances in general) is like getting a vaccination. Once you’re exposed to it you build a tolerance and you become immune to the disease. The more I allow people to read my work and the more I submit pieces to be published, the less I’m likely to be stung by rejection or criticism.

In my case fear of rejection or failure mostly applies to writing. But there are so many more areas where it can hold you back. A friendship or relationship can begin just by taking a chance and initiating conversation.  Taking a solo trip may never leave the wishful thinking stage if you’re afraid to be alone in a different environment.

I suppose if things were easy it wouldn’t feel so good once you get what you want.

Are you afraid of rejection or failure? How do you deal with it?

J

I think spring is finally here! It’s been in the mid-70s and sunny for the past few days. Combine that with Daylight Savings Time starting and the days have been so long and fun I barely want to come in. If I sound giddy over spring it’s because I am. Spring is my favorite time of year. Flowers are blooming and it hasn’t gotten so hot it’s uncomfortable yet.

Besides my battles with hay fever, the only thing I dislike about spring is the idea of spring cleaning. I grew up having to do it every year and if you know me you know how much I hate spending a nice chunk of my day cleaning, though I appreciate how clean and fresh everything feels once I’m done. While I’ll probably be taking one of these weekends to get rid of old clothes, books, and doodads I’ve accumulated over the past few months I’m going to do be doing some mental and emotional spring cleaning as well.

I find it easy to hold on to sad and mean feelings (I’m sure I’m not the only one). There have been slights, no matter how small and inadvertent, that have led me to hold silent grudges and be angry for months. I’ve been working on letting go of petty stuff, either be writing about or talking about it (in some cases to that person, other times not). Whatever I do, I’m learning how to do deal with what’s made me upset, as opposed to keeping it bottled up and it manifesting in potentially self-destructive ways.

I have a few goals and plans for this year and I can’t dedicate my focus to them if I’m caught up in nonsense and inconsequential stuff. With sites like Facebook and Twitter where you can keep up with people’s lives without even having to talk to them, it takes no effort at all to fall into a web of comparing your life to others’ and getting caught up in gossip and mess. I enjoy Twitter more than Facebook but I’m going to try my hardest to limit my time on both of them.

I’m going to trash these bad habits so I have more time to devote to hobbies I enjoy and make me a happier person, such as working out, being outside, reading and writing.

By the way, kind of random but I just read a good article from Forbes Magazine titled “How to Make Twentysomethings Happy”. Talks about millenials in the workplace…definitely worth checking out.

Are there any bad habits or tendencies you want to get rid of in the near future?

J

Today was one of those days. A day where nothing really went the way I thought it would and Murphy’s Law was waiting for me around every corner. Let’s see, this morning I ended up pulling myself out of consideration for a job after I realized I didn’t want to do it and it would probably make me miserable. In addition, my stomach hurt, I’m tired, can barely lift my arms from working out hard yesterday, and I knew I wanted to write today (I’m not letting this blog fall by the wayside!) but I had no idea what to talk about until about 3 hours ago, when someone suggested I make my not-too-pleasant day today’s post. When you have lemons, make lemonade, right?

I promise this isn’t going to be some whiny, angst-ridden post about all that’s went wrong the past 12 hours. We all have days like that and we learn to deal with them. Even though today was a bummer, I’m not going to spend any more time after I publish this post thinking about it. For all of the sulking I wanted to do (and did indulge myself in for a little bit) I know that my problems are relatively trivial.

When I’m in all-out pity party mode, the last five words I want to hear are: look at the bright side. But that’s exactly what I’m doing tonight, because I’m starting to realize the futility in being miserable over things that are done and can’t be changed. For instance, the job in which i took myself out of the running. The good thing is: I made that decision instead of them telling me, “Well, thanks for applying.” It felt good to be in control and know for sure what I wanted (or in this case, didn’t want). At one point, probably not too long ago, I would have taken the job even though I knew it was not a job that fit my strengths well, just because I wouldn’t have had the courage to speak my mind and tell the manager, “Thanks but no thanks.” I also would’ve rationalized the decision to take the job in my head even though after learning more this morning, I felt immediately it was not for me.  With my stomach hurting, I can go get some aspirin. With being tired, I need to get off Facebook and Twitter and go take a nap. With soreness, well I’m getting myself into shape. And it’s going to hurt but I’ll be happy I went through it in a few months when my arms are ripped . With no topic to write about, I managed to turn a crappy day into a blog post.

Strangely enough, while writing all of this I realize my day may not have been so bad after all. My biggest issue (job) was actually a result of me being assertive and refusing to settle. Perhaps I was seeing a mirage or something today because I definitely don’t think it was Murphy’s Law.

How do you deal with bad days? Have you ever found the bright spots in one?

J

One of my favorite hobbies is writing. Considering I’m a blogger this probably doesn’t come as a huge surprise. I’m also a big reader. If you saw my nightstand, you’d see it covered in novels. I’ve got Moleskine journals and composition books scattered everywhere. When I was a kid I had so many half-written stories saved to our computer. But as I got older I turned away from writing, distracted with my social life. It has only been in the past year or so that I have re-embraced writing and started putting the pen to to the pad again.

Lately I’ve discovered that writing is not only a hobby for me, but it has become therapeutic. When I’m upset or depressed, writing about it helps me make sense of what’s going on. I can’t explain what it is about words that brings me comfort but they have definitely helped me come to terms with some of the issues in my life. I think it’s absolutely amazing when you can find a hobby or passion that can also serve as a salve for frustration. It might be running, drawing, music…or whatever.

You know how the more you practice at something the better you get? Well I feel that way about my writing skills. Not that I necessarily think I’m great or anything but I’m feeling more confident about it. I’m learning how to let others read my work, which has been big because it makes me feel exposed and slightly vulnerable. But in a way I feel that’s been a good thing because I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and maybe even saying some things that resonate, which is an awesome bonus.

I read a quote by Toni Morrison that basically said if there’s a book you want to read and you can’t find it, then write it. This is one of the reasons I started this blog. I was looking for a millenial perspective on finding a career, going off the path you had set for yourself, and general reflections on life and society. And then I realized that I had that perspective. I was what I was looking for.

Do you ever channel some of your frustrations in your hobbies? How do you express your creativity?

J

Happy Thursday!

I had a strange little thought on my mind last night and since this is the place for random thoughts, there’s no better place to say it. Sometimes I think it’s difficult to admit to ourselves how we really feel in some situations. I don’t like speaking for others so I’ll only provide perspective from my experiences.  I’ve had this problem in my life a few times before, where I was not only able to convince others I felt a certain way but myself as well.

I’m an example person so I’ll provide a story. When I was a freshman in college, I declared my major in Business. Business is practical, everyone said. You’ll get a great job, make great money with this major. Despite the fact that I enjoyed my required English class more than Intro to Financial Accounting, I often used the reasoning of a great corporate job (with the $$ to match) following graduation whenever asked why I picked my major. It was safe but deep down I was miserable. I hated going to accounting lectures and they might as well have been teaching the class in Italian because I didn’t understand any of it. I’d read novels for my literature class in one day but struggle through 2 pages of a chapter in my business book.

Fortunately sometime my sophomore year I couldn’t take any more. College was becoming mentally arduous because I was afraid to admit to myself that I really wanted to major in English and be a writer. I no longer cared that people thought I was wasting my money and time pursuing a major that wouldn’t necessarily lead to a high-paying job. Because if I really asked myself, that’s not what I cared about. I admit, I was so worried about fitting in and not disappointing anyone that I fooled myself into thinking I wanted to be a high-powered businesswoman. But why did this happen? Honestly I think it was a fear of stepping out of my comfort zone and defying expectations that had been thrust upon me.

There are other situations in which this feeling creeps up though. Whether it’s admitting deep down you don’t really like a person or even that you’re a tiny bit jealous or envious of someone. It’s basically admitting to yourself maybe you aren’t as nice as you think you are. Or that you’re a little insecure or vulnerable.

Anyway, like I said this was just a thought that crossed my mind and I thought here would  be the perfect place to explore it. So I turn it over to you, have you ever had to do some serious thinking and admit to yourself what was really going on?

J

Happy New Year!

It’s so cold here in Indianapolis, I have a feeling winter is really getting ready to start. Anyway, with a new year comes an opportunity for change. Turning over a new leaf so to speak.

I typically don’t like making New Year’s resolutions, mostly because I’m prone to breaking them before January is even over. Also, I don’t believe that it needs to be January 1 to make a conscious decision to change. With that being said I have made some goals for myself that I will dedicate this entire year to working on, because I know it’s not going to happen overnight. Here’s my list:

1. Eating healthier/exercising (I started this in October so I’m well on my way )

2. Become a freelancer in the writing and editing fields.

3. Maintain self-discipline and focus when it comes to blogging.

4. Read more books. Ever since I graduated college I don’t read as many as I used to. They’ve given way to blogs and YouTube.

5. Step up my style and wardrobe. This is completely shallow but I’m ready to start dressing more like someone in their mid-2os and   less like I did when I was a 20-year-old college student (you know, the North Face jacket, jeans, and sneakers/Uggs…that’s my typical outfit)

That’s my list. What are your goals/resolutions for 2012?

J