Thoughts of a Random Nature

A few summers ago I read the novel Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. It was published in the early 1950s, on the cusp of notable events such as the Civil Rights Movement and the Red Scare (Communism). The novel follows a young and educated black man, whose name is never revealed. The story begins with him as a student at a southern college but following a series of crazy events he is kicked out of the school. He moves to New York City and becomes involved with communism and black nationalism. Throughout the novel he suffers humiliation and struggles with never being looked at as a human being (this is why I believe his name is never given). The story is told in flashbacks  and the narrator comes to release the hatred and hurt he had carried around for so long by telling his tale.

This isn’t a book review or critique; instead I want to look at the term “Invisible Man” and how change can come about and statements can be made simply by sharing one’s experiences. Often times it’s easy to feel as if there’s no way you can make a change or any kind of imprint on the world. After all you’re just one person. I know I’ve felt this way on several occasions, whether it’s wondering why anyone would be interested in reading what I’ve written or doubting the value in signing petitions and fighting for causes I believe in. It’s so much easier to succumb to The Powers That Be and figure there is no hope. But then I realize that even though a cause or movement may have a face attached to it, they didn’t do it by themselves. Instead they had several nameless people behind them, not worrying about making a name for themselves but determined to have their say. This has made me stand up for issues I feel strongly about, from littering to birth control.

I admit, a few days ago I thought about ending my blog. I enjoy writing it but I wish it was like one of those huge blogs everyone knows. Of course I’ve only been writing for two months so I guess I have to be a little patient on that front. But then, like the narrator of Invisible Man, I realized how much this blog has helped me grow. I’ve become more comfortable sharing my thoughts and writing with the world. And the comments I’ve gotten from acquaintances saying how much they like it and can relate to some of the things I talk about is just really awesome. If the random thoughts floating through my head that manage to make it on to this site is a help to anyone…well that’s a great feeling, it really is. It just reminds me that you can inspire and help in ways you may not even know. And no matter how small your say or imprint is, it’s there .

Have you ever learned a valuable lesson just from listening to someone’s story or experience?

J

P.S. Happy Spring!

Before I start let me preface by saying this. I put up this picture of a comet because I think it’s a beautiful and amazing sight. Even though this post is about human beauty and its effect in society, I just wanted to put this up instead

I was reading an article one day and the author was talking about the process of finding a job. A girl she knew had gotten a plum writing position and she argued that, despite the young woman’s credentials and education, the job had went to her mainly because she was attractive. This sparked serious outrage in the comment section but the author held her ground (which I commend her for). It was a bold statement that was met indignantly. How dare someone, in this day and age, declare that a pretty girl had gotten a job because she was good-looking? What about all of her more substantial attributes, such as her education, experience, and writing skills?

Not too surprisingly most of the anger came from women. But the theory of a woman getting ahead on her looks also came from a woman, which I found interesting. And I honestly can’t argue with her. I don’t like to admit it, but yes my first impressions often come from a person’s looks. If they’re more attractive I’m probably going to think higher of them than someone I find average or not so good-looking. I think the reason this comment touched a nerve is because there’s a stigma attached to a woman advancing due to her physical features. Some of us women (myself included) would rather our looks be the last thing a person focuses on. What about my intelligence, resume, personality, etc.? If I’m a writer how I look is not going to determine how I do my job.

I can’t speak for other women, but I sometimes have a hard time accepting my looks and how that’s probably helped me in life. I like the way I look but I’ve often heard mean things like “Oh she thinks she’s cute” and given the side-eye. And I won’t lie, it hurts occasionally. Especially if you’re not a person who thinks you’re all that. So what do you do? Well there’s only so much you can do because you can’t change how people think. But I try to be as nice as I can because it can sting when people are dismissive towards you and believe you’re a stuck-up bitch. I’ve seen women treat other women badly over something as trivial as having long hair (sad but true).

I think it’s interesting that beauty is both shunned and desired in our society. Those who are believed to be beautiful can find it hard to form relationships because others look at them as having glided through life on their looks. It’s desired because of the perks it may bring, such as attention and easier to get jobs or promotions.  For all of the mud the author of that article I read had thrown at her, she was right. No matter what, we as people are going to use looks as a determining factor in if we like someone, whether we hire them, etc. It may not be the only factor but it’s in there. And I think the reason so many women we’re upset was because they want to believe their other characteristics are more important. It touched a nerve that that woman came out and said what we all basically know. Some people get things (in this case a job) because they’re attractive. Point blank.

Do you think we as a society still place a huge importance on looks?

J

This thought is influenced by a remark recently made by Mitt Romney. He said, and I’m paraphrasing, that income inequality is an issue that should be discussed in back rooms instead of out in the open. For some reason this resonated with me, because it made me think of all of the things that even today, in such a liberated culture, we still only reveal in the back room.

For instance, take sexuality. I understand a person’s sexual life is their private business and should not necessarily be discussed with everyone but we still live in a puritanical society. Why are politicians or businesspeople castigated and/or fired when they endure a sex scandal, which usually has no bearing on their job performance? Why is it a big deal when a celebrity reveals they’re gay to People magazine? Because of all the appearances of being a sexually liberated culture we still hold strongly conservative ideals. Lately I have noticed a new fascination with lifestyles that are considered taboo. This fascination has manifested itself in several reality TV shows and documentaries chronicling unorthodox sexual practices. But have we gone from refusing to acknowledge or accept sexuality to treating it like a circus act, putting alternative sexual behavior and lifestyles on display to be gawked at and treated like a spectacle?

Mental issues are another area that is typically considered to be best left unsaid. As with sexuality there has been a general acceptance of becoming more open with psychological struggles but for the most part it’s still better left for the quiet rooms in the back. Or there’s those who tell you there’s nothing wrong with you, you simply need to snap out of it (I heard this often while I suffered with depression). It boggles my mind that many don’t take mental health as serious as they do physical. Or do not believe a person may need therapy or medication to get better. In some ways mental problems are not just relegated to the back room, it’s like they do not even exist.

I called this post “The Quiet Storm” because I think that’s what occurs when we struggle with feelings and issues that are considered a dark part of our culture. How can we effectively deal with what we have been told is disgusting, shameful, and embarrassing?

What topics/issues do you consider “back room” material? How do you feel about taboo issues?

J