Thoughts of a Random Nature

Happy Tuesday!

Being naturally reserved and an introvert, one of my biggest challenges has been making friends. When I was a kid, activities where we had to partner up with someone were the bane of my existence. I’d always be one of the stragglers. You know, one of the kids left awkwardly standing around while everyone else is looking on with a mix of pity and smugness. Then the teacher makes you form a partnership, and the awkwardness is compounded by the fact that you’ve probably never spoken to each other before. I’ll digress before I really start reliving my elementary school days.

Anyhow, as I grew older I became a little more outgoing and found myself making more friends. In junior high my life revolved around my little group of friends. Passing notes in class, AOL Instant Messenger when we got home, and parties on the weekends. Silly us, we thought we’d stay the best of friends for the rest of our lives. Once in high school, we began growing apart when we met tons of new people and really started thinking about our futures.

Back then I thought of these people as my friends. And maybe they were. Sometimes, for no reason at all, there are those who just disappear from your life. Then there are relationships that last through high school, college, moving to different cities, marriage, babies, etc. Today I’m a lot more careful in using the term “friend”. We have to have a really strong relationship for me to consider a person a friend. That’s one of my gripes with Facebook, the way it refers to those on your list as “friends”. These may be folks you haven’t talked to in years or if you saw them in real life you’d be grasping at straws to have a conversation.

Social media, not just Facebook, lets you keep up with someone’s life without ever uttering a word to them. Instead of asking a person how they’re doing, just check on their profile or their Twitter feed. I’ve done it too so I’m not knocking it but it’s weird how we think of ourselves as a more connected society yet we probably have less interaction than ever before.

One of the things (among many ) that sucks about being an adult is that it’s so much harder to meet people and make friends. It’s work making time to socialize. Very different from school, where you’re surrounded by others your age and who you probably have something in common with.

How do you define friendship? Do you consider yourself to have many friends?

J

A few days ago I was given a box of white chocolate fortune cookies (may sound weird but they’re actually pretty good!). Usually, whenever I open a fortune cookie after eating Chinese food, I don’t pay attention to the “fortune”, which is typically not even a fortune but some random cliche or saying. But when I ate one the other night, the message inside, “Cherish the time you have to tell those how much you care.” touched a nerve.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the motions of everyday life and take those closest to us for granted. There are times when I’m friendlier to strangers or people I have a very superficial relationship with than friends or family. When you get comfortable around someone, it’s easier to let your grumpy or moody side show. A mere acquaintance? Then you’re putting your best foot forward. Kind of crazy, huh? As has been proven over several instances, people can be here today and gone tomorrow. I’m sure those who have lost someone close to them would give anything to be able to spend five minutes with that person, and then here I am, putting off calling or sending a message simply saying “Hi” because I’m too tired or busy.

This idea can extend beyond people you are close to. What about that person you haven’t talked to in a few months or years but they’re constantly crossing your mind? It doesn’t take anything to say hi and who knows, it might re-ignite a friendship. Unless the relationship ended on bad terms, most people find it a pleasant surprise to hear from someone they haven’ t talked to in a while (I know I do).

A common saying is “time is money” but time is much more than that. Money can be lost but it can also be earned back. The time you lose with someone you care or love is gone forever. It’s definitely making me start to think how I approach and treat my friendships and relationships. I don’t have much to say today but that one sentence on that fortune cookie touched me so I thought I’d share it

Are you careful to not take time and relationships for granted?

J

Happy Monday!

It’s going on three years since I’ve left college and one of my biggest challenges since then has been developing a social life. In school it was easy. You’re living with people your age who often have similar interests. Being in the “real world” this is not the case. Sure there’s Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and several other ways of staying connected with old friends. But in many cases, including mine, classmates have moved away to other states. Not to mention everyone’s busier now and it’s hard squeezing in social time with work, family, and other commitments. And to be honest occasionally you want to meet new people. Not that I have anything against my old circle, but it’s always great to meet others.

So how do you do that? I’m not the most extroverted person in the world so this hasn’t been any easy process for me by any means. Over time though I’ve figured out a few ways to meet people and even do interesting and fulfilling things at the same time.

Here they are:

• Take a class. Last summer I took a writing class at the Writers Center of Indiana (great place for writers, if you’re in Indy you should check it out!) and met some great people that I probably would’ve never talked to otherwise.
• Volunteer. In addition to meeting others, you’ll feel great for contributing your time and efforts to a cause or interest you have.
• Get to know your coworkers. Some people have a personal policy against mixing business and pleasure but occasionally you have to throw caution to the wind. You never know, sometimes you may be working besides a potential friend.
• Join a club or group related to a hobby, interest, or cause. At least you know you’ll be around people where you at least have one thing in common.
• Reconnect with old friends. Drop a note simply saying hi through email or on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Okay this isn’t a way to connect with new  people but sometimes it’s fun getting in touch with people you haven’t talked to in years. And you may be surprised by how buddies have grown and changed.

There are so many ways to have an active social life. My list is only the tip of the iceberg. I’m curious, do you find it easy to make friends as an adult? What are some ways you’ve met people?

J