Thoughts of a Random Nature

Today is February 15, 2012. I put 2012 in bold and italic because some of the recent headlines have got me thinking we’ve been transported back to the 1950s. The Komen Foundation reversed funding for Planned Parenthood, which many people believe was due to Planned Parenthood providing abortions (although they also provide several other services), the fury over the birth control mandate. Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum declaring that sex should only  be for procreation purposes, even between married couples. Politicians campaigning against birth control coverage.

For the past few weeks  I have been paying attention to the Republican primaries and I’ve noticed Santorum in particular has made social and culture issues his main focus as opposed to the others, who’ve been mostly stressing jobs and the economy. Why is he doing this? I have no idea, because I honestly think right now, in a country bouncing back from a recession, most people are more concerned with finding decent jobs than what two grown, consenting adults are doing in their bedroom. Santorum has stated that many of the problems in our culture are rooted in the moral decline of our country.  This may be true but is turning back the clock 50 years the answer? Instead of trying to take things back to the way they used to be, we should try to adapt to the culture we have now because there have been too many advancements made to pretend they don’t exist.

The Komen Foundation was thrown into the fire after cutting off funding for Planned Parenthood. Their official reason was that the latter was under federal investigation and it violates their rules to provide funding when this occurs. However it is well known that many of the top operatives of the organization are vehemently pro-life. Pro-life or pro-choice that’s your decision but Planned Parenthood does more than provide abortions. They offer health care for women who don’t have insurance and can’t go to the doctor. Unfortunately that tidbit’s often swept under the carpet.

Last week, I wrote letters to USA Today and the New York Times because I’m infuriated by my body being used in a political and cultural tug-of-war. With the new birth control law, I understand that no religion shouldn’t be made to prescribe birth control if they are against it. But yet we have to accept that many Catholic women do use birth control, and that is their right. Opponents of the new law claim it is violating their right to practice their religion.  My question is, how is that? How does a woman choosing to take birth control have anything to do with someone else? As I wrote in my letter, I think this goes beyond religion. I believe many don’t agree with birth control because they believe it allows women to engage in casual sex without consequence.

For whatever reason, perhaps its the puritanical history of our country, we connect morality with sexuality. Women are usually not encouraged to display their enjoyment of sex because then there’s the risk of being called a slut, a slore, or a woman with “loose morals”. Teen girls used to be advised to “keep their mouths closed and legs crossed” and if they didn’t and got pregnant, were sent away to a home for unwed mothers. What’s the lesson in all of this? That it’s not right to enjoy sex and if you do you’re bad. I always thought having morals was about knowing what’s right and what’s wrong. I didn’t know morals had anything to do with sexual feelings I may have and the choices I make when I’m intimate with someone. Glancing at the headlines in the past few weeks I think I was wrong.

Have you noticed the culture war brewing? Do you think, even in 2012, we connect morals and sex?

J

A guy friend and I were talking about dating a few days ago. I find it kinda frustrating trying to date guys my age, because I’m part of what has been referred to as “the hookup culture”. It’s how it sounds, a lot of people my age (men and women) are perfectly cool just getting together to have sex. This trend is not only acceptable among my peers but it’s widely accepted in culture. TV shows and movies make it seem like it’s no big deal to have sex with people who share no connection or friendship with each other.

I lament this devil-may-care attitude when it comes to sex because it makes it even harder for those who are actually interested in more than just a sexual relationship. Before I go any further, let me say that I honestly don’t care what other people are doing. If hookups are what you prefer, then great. I’m not some prude on a crusade to stop casual sex. I just think its hard being a single woman who tries to carry herself with respect when there’s a swirl of videos on World Star, YouTube, and countless other blogs with women shamelessly showing off everything their mother gave them.

Back to the discussion my friend and I were having. I was wondering why a guy would approach me and blatantly ask me to come to his house without even a feeble attempt at conversation. He said that with women putting so much of themselves on the internet and being down for hookups, it’s very easy for a guy to paint women with a broad stroke and assume we’re all like that. Me, getting mad at being lumped in with everyone else, claimed that there was no excuse for lack of respect and manners. He said I was right but that it is what it is.

A piece of advice he gave me was to do like restaurants do: No Shirt. No Shoes. No Service. There’s nothing I can do about the fact that some guys look at women as just another notch on their bedpost. But what I can control is how much of my time I will give them. If they don’t come with respect, decency, and manners then I’ll do just like  McDonald’s and Applebee’s do: deny access.

Have any of you ladies encountered this issue?

J

This thought is influenced by a remark recently made by Mitt Romney. He said, and I’m paraphrasing, that income inequality is an issue that should be discussed in back rooms instead of out in the open. For some reason this resonated with me, because it made me think of all of the things that even today, in such a liberated culture, we still only reveal in the back room.

For instance, take sexuality. I understand a person’s sexual life is their private business and should not necessarily be discussed with everyone but we still live in a puritanical society. Why are politicians or businesspeople castigated and/or fired when they endure a sex scandal, which usually has no bearing on their job performance? Why is it a big deal when a celebrity reveals they’re gay to People magazine? Because of all the appearances of being a sexually liberated culture we still hold strongly conservative ideals. Lately I have noticed a new fascination with lifestyles that are considered taboo. This fascination has manifested itself in several reality TV shows and documentaries chronicling unorthodox sexual practices. But have we gone from refusing to acknowledge or accept sexuality to treating it like a circus act, putting alternative sexual behavior and lifestyles on display to be gawked at and treated like a spectacle?

Mental issues are another area that is typically considered to be best left unsaid. As with sexuality there has been a general acceptance of becoming more open with psychological struggles but for the most part it’s still better left for the quiet rooms in the back. Or there’s those who tell you there’s nothing wrong with you, you simply need to snap out of it (I heard this often while I suffered with depression). It boggles my mind that many don’t take mental health as serious as they do physical. Or do not believe a person may need therapy or medication to get better. In some ways mental problems are not just relegated to the back room, it’s like they do not even exist.

I called this post “The Quiet Storm” because I think that’s what occurs when we struggle with feelings and issues that are considered a dark part of our culture. How can we effectively deal with what we have been told is disgusting, shameful, and embarrassing?

What topics/issues do you consider “back room” material? How do you feel about taboo issues?

J