Thoughts of a Random Nature

Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it. – Chinese proverb

Right now I’m facing the point where I’ve been writing as a hobby for a while (I do short stories, poetry, and essays in addition to this blog) and I’m getting the itch to start submitting my work to magazines and journals. But what’s the the big obstacle standing in my way? That nine letter word known as REJECTION!

I admit, I hate the idea of being rejected (who doesn’t?). I think people my age may have had a particularly hard time dealing with it for one big reason. When we were little kids, participating in sports and other types of competitions, everybody got an award. Just for being on the team. Even if you pretty much sucked. While coaches, parents, and teachers might have thought they were doing us a favor by not distinguishing those who were truly spectacular and actually deserved an award or trophy, they really weren’t. Because it tended to instill in us this idea that no matter how bad you are, you deserve a reward for just showing up and being on the team.  Flash forward ten or fifteen years. Many millenials struggle with the fact that they are required to prove themselves in order to get jobs or opportunities. No more just showing up and getting a pat on the back.

Growing up with this kind of philosophy may be part of my problem. But perfectionism is an issue for me as well. I don’t like doing something unless I know I can succeed. Unfortunately this has stopped me from pursuing many opportunities because I didn’t like the idea I may fail. With writing it’s always hard showing others my work because I’m afraid I’ll get laughed and told it’s horrible. But then I’ve realized sharing my work (or taking chances in general) is like getting a vaccination. Once you’re exposed to it you build a tolerance and you become immune to the disease. The more I allow people to read my work and the more I submit pieces to be published, the less I’m likely to be stung by rejection or criticism.

In my case fear of rejection or failure mostly applies to writing. But there are so many more areas where it can hold you back. A friendship or relationship can begin just by taking a chance and initiating conversation.  Taking a solo trip may never leave the wishful thinking stage if you’re afraid to be alone in a different environment.

I suppose if things were easy it wouldn’t feel so good once you get what you want.

Are you afraid of rejection or failure? How do you deal with it?

J

I think spring is finally here! It’s been in the mid-70s and sunny for the past few days. Combine that with Daylight Savings Time starting and the days have been so long and fun I barely want to come in. If I sound giddy over spring it’s because I am. Spring is my favorite time of year. Flowers are blooming and it hasn’t gotten so hot it’s uncomfortable yet.

Besides my battles with hay fever, the only thing I dislike about spring is the idea of spring cleaning. I grew up having to do it every year and if you know me you know how much I hate spending a nice chunk of my day cleaning, though I appreciate how clean and fresh everything feels once I’m done. While I’ll probably be taking one of these weekends to get rid of old clothes, books, and doodads I’ve accumulated over the past few months I’m going to do be doing some mental and emotional spring cleaning as well.

I find it easy to hold on to sad and mean feelings (I’m sure I’m not the only one). There have been slights, no matter how small and inadvertent, that have led me to hold silent grudges and be angry for months. I’ve been working on letting go of petty stuff, either be writing about or talking about it (in some cases to that person, other times not). Whatever I do, I’m learning how to do deal with what’s made me upset, as opposed to keeping it bottled up and it manifesting in potentially self-destructive ways.

I have a few goals and plans for this year and I can’t dedicate my focus to them if I’m caught up in nonsense and inconsequential stuff. With sites like Facebook and Twitter where you can keep up with people’s lives without even having to talk to them, it takes no effort at all to fall into a web of comparing your life to others’ and getting caught up in gossip and mess. I enjoy Twitter more than Facebook but I’m going to try my hardest to limit my time on both of them.

I’m going to trash these bad habits so I have more time to devote to hobbies I enjoy and make me a happier person, such as working out, being outside, reading and writing.

By the way, kind of random but I just read a good article from Forbes Magazine titled “How to Make Twentysomethings Happy”. Talks about millenials in the workplace…definitely worth checking out.

Are there any bad habits or tendencies you want to get rid of in the near future?

J

Happy Wednesday!

Today I met with a personal trainer for the first time. My main goal is to get in shape for the summer and tone my arms and stomach. Wow did I get a workout! The exercises weren’t necessarily strenuous but it required some discipline and willpower to get through 4 or 5 sets of each. I’m not going to bore you with the details of my workout regimen, instead I want to focus on two ideas I just mentioned, discipline and willpower.

Often when we see someone who’s in perfect shape or an actor who’s finally got their big break, we don’t know all of the work and time they put into achieving that goal. I’m not bragging by any means, but when I was in school I never had to work hard for good grades. I was always fairly fit even though I rarely exercised and never committed to a diet. For the first time in my life I’m learning how to really commit myself to a goal and focus. It hasn’t been easy by a long shot but it’s awesome when you start seeing results.

For example, I want to be a writer. Now I used to say this all the time but I only wrote sporadically or when the mood hit me. Ever since starting this blog (and its been a month today!) I have forced myself to sit down every evening and write something. I’ll admit, I wanted to give up after a week because I had no idea how I was going to come up with something interesting to say everyday. But I kept on, because with each blog post, I started to find my voice and really enjoy putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read. Writing today is a lot easier than the day I created this blog and I have no doubt it’ll get even easier as each day goes on. One of the main pieces of advice famous writers give out is write something everyday. And this is so true. This forces you to think and helps you trudge through obstacles such as writers’ block.

Obstacles and setbacks suck, they really do. I don’t know any other way to put it. If you’re working out diligently and not seeing the weight fall off as quickly as you would like. If you’re an actor and you keep getting rejected audition after audition. If you’re a writer and your work keeps getting rejected no matter how many times you edit and revise. If you’re searching for a job and not getting it despite creating an excellent resume and giving near-perfect interviews. A goal can become blurred and pushed to the wayside when you’re doing everything you can and it still doesn’t feel like you’re accomplishing anything. I’m not trying to sound like a self-help guru and I’m only speaking for myself, but the rewards are much more gratifying if it’s something you have to work hard for. If my blog had become popular the first day I put it up I don’t think I’d be growing into my writing the way I am now. If I lost weight just like that (*finger snap) I wouldn’t be as focused and working out muscles I never knew I had.

This is a long post I know. It’s just that hard work and discipline are traits I’ve really come to appreciate these past few months. Some people have known these things their whole lives but I didn’t.

Do you have any goals that you refuse to give up on, no matter the setbacks?

J

One of my favorite hobbies is writing. Considering I’m a blogger this probably doesn’t come as a huge surprise. I’m also a big reader. If you saw my nightstand, you’d see it covered in novels. I’ve got Moleskine journals and composition books scattered everywhere. When I was a kid I had so many half-written stories saved to our computer. But as I got older I turned away from writing, distracted with my social life. It has only been in the past year or so that I have re-embraced writing and started putting the pen to to the pad again.

Lately I’ve discovered that writing is not only a hobby for me, but it has become therapeutic. When I’m upset or depressed, writing about it helps me make sense of what’s going on. I can’t explain what it is about words that brings me comfort but they have definitely helped me come to terms with some of the issues in my life. I think it’s absolutely amazing when you can find a hobby or passion that can also serve as a salve for frustration. It might be running, drawing, music…or whatever.

You know how the more you practice at something the better you get? Well I feel that way about my writing skills. Not that I necessarily think I’m great or anything but I’m feeling more confident about it. I’m learning how to let others read my work, which has been big because it makes me feel exposed and slightly vulnerable. But in a way I feel that’s been a good thing because I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and maybe even saying some things that resonate, which is an awesome bonus.

I read a quote by Toni Morrison that basically said if there’s a book you want to read and you can’t find it, then write it. This is one of the reasons I started this blog. I was looking for a millenial perspective on finding a career, going off the path you had set for yourself, and general reflections on life and society. And then I realized that I had that perspective. I was what I was looking for.

Do you ever channel some of your frustrations in your hobbies? How do you express your creativity?

J

Lately I’ve been dealing with a dilemma. It’s been on my mind day and night and it all stems from the question I’ve been asked a lot recently: “When are you going to settle down and pick a career?” Now I know this is being broached because the questioners believe I’m intelligent and have potential. But this question still manages to irritate me.

Like many other millenials, I’ve discovered that I have a slight aversion to entering corporate America. No offense to anyone who prefers this path but I don’t believe it’s for me. I’m not business-minded at all and nothing about the culture or environment interests me. I want a job that uses creativity and where I feel as if I’m making some meaningful contribution. I know this is a bit idealistic and perhaps typical of people my age but I want to feel some kind of fulfillment from my work.

Ever since I can remember I have enjoyed working with words, whether writing stories, helping people tidy up documents, or word games. I believe it is through writing that I can best contribute to society. And that’s why I have decided I want to be a writer. Of course, this isn’t the easiest thing to explain to parents who may be starting to wonder exactly why they sent their daughter to college if she just wants to stare at a Word document on her laptop all day.

This decision may not be the easiest to explain to others, but at what point do you have to ignore what others, despite their best intentions, want for you? Although I’ve been on this career-searching odyssey for awhile I feel incredibly lucky to be a twentysomething right now. Because we can create our careers. Having a full-time job and a “side hustle” is very popular right now, and for a good reason. Who says you have to choose between a stable job and pursuing your passion? Why not try and have it all?

I’m starting to realize that I know exactly what I’m looking for. I just want to live and enjoy my life (who doesn’t?) but I don’t want it to be something I have to squeeze in for an hour or two every week. I want it to be everything.

I was so relieved to find out there are other twentysomethings dealing with this same issue, so I know I’m not crazy . I’d like to know, are there any of you who have faced the decision of whether or not to pursue your passion? How did those closest to you take it? Did you care?

J