Perhaps I’m being a bit hyperbolic with the title but I took it from Judy Blume’s Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing (awesome book by the way). Anyway today I’d like to talk about my failed attempt at grad school.
I graduated in 2009, at the height of the Great Recession and the job crisis. In other words, probably the worst time in modern history to be graduating college. Instead of spending months sending out resumes and anxiously monitoring the job market, I started researching another alternative: grad school. Grad school was where you went to earn your Masters and/or Ph.D. and learn how to become a scholar. It was also becoming a dumping place for college grads who didn’t quite know what they wanted to do yet but also wanted to feel as if they were doing something important with their time.
I decided I wanted to continue my studies in English and applied to a top university. Once admitted I became excited. I figured grad studies would simply be an extension of my undergraduate years. I ignored advice from older students recommending taking a few years to work, travel, basically anything besides school. Besides having an advanced degree would look so much better on my resume and automatically qualify me for better-paying jobs.
Immediately upon starting classes I realized how wrong I had been about everything. First, grad school is nothing like undergrad and should not be undertaken simply because you enjoyed your major. Instead of spending a semester reading and discussing texts, I was expected to contribute original ideas regarding said works. I began to seriously question whether I was willing to immerse myself in this subject for the next few years. So many of my other friends were enjoying freedom from school after nearly 20 years and I had signed up for even more.
I admitted to myself that I was using grad school to escape the possibility of failing in the real world. And I was being lazy, not wanting to work to figure out what I really wanted to do. As soon as I figured out what I needed to do, I realized I had to take a chance and strike out on my own.
So I left grad school after one measly semester.
I was happy with my decision but it also haunted me for months. I felt like a failure. I hated when people asked me how was school going because I had to say I quit. No matter my reasons it just sounded wrong in my ears.
This post is long and I apologize but this was a big part of my life and if there’s anyone in a situation like this (not knowing whether to leave or not) I hope my story can help a little. By no means am I saying grad school is bad, but don’t underestimate how big a decision it actually is.
J
Tags: grad school